Within the scope of our world resides cosmic questions to which no answers exist, at least not in our plane of consciousness. Humility lives in acknowledging that we do not hold all the answers and we find grace in accepting that’s okay. We find peace in uncertainty.
There’s a strange union of mind and body that comes with the acceptance that not all questions have the potential for understanding. Acceptance; grace paired with patience; sits ready to bring peace to a tumultuous soul but only when we choose to embrace uncertainty amidst the experience of the everyday.
“What if,” formed from a place of fear or hope can provide joy or pain.
Truthfully, I’ve found myself on either side of this equation. I’m still learning what it means to ‘surrender.’ As one who believes in God, I’ve practiced faith throughout my life and even with the practice of believing in things unseen, there still exists this strange divide between having lived the past, believing what’s possible, and residing somewhere between the two, in the present.
On a deep level, I genuinely believe that the present is, in fact, a gift, but busy mind often distracts me from this reality and the juxtaposition between believing in grace but also the necessary teaching of right and wrong so as to comprehend choice and accountability is like slime on carpet; fun until it’s not.
The ingredients are there. But understanding feels illusive.
Let me present an example.
My husband and I have talked about having more kids. As people of faith, we’ve invited God to weigh in. The response we’ve gotten through our relationship with him and each other as we’ve studied it out in mind and heart is, it’s up to you. In other words, “there’s no right or wrong. Choose, and I’ll be honored either way.”
Now this is an interesting position because it’s essentially a choose your own adventure. We’ve had kids. We are well acquainted with the hard. We also know the depth of joy. The deep question then is, “where would we find more joy?” It’s a difficult decision to make and the reality is, there are no answers to this cosmic question, and perhaps it’s not the question to ask at all. How do we find peace in uncertainty?
Anyway you look at it, compromises are made and ultimately, kids grow up. Careers move forward. Rent gets paid. The world turns. And I’m a little speck on this blueberry trying to become holy before I return to dust.
If you read this far hoping for some ‘aha!’ moment, I regret to inform you, your time was misplaced.
I don’t have answers. But I find in the moments of uncertainty, there are some truths with a ‘capital T’ I go back to.
I am loved.
I am known.
I am whole in Christ.
When we focus on these three things, grace permeates our being and even in our moments of unrest, dis-ease, and pain, we find this miraculous state of being, where being is truly enough.
I’d do well to remember this more frequently. What a gift we receive, forgetting and remembering, like watching your children experience things for the first time. You’ve taken first steps. You’ve tried your first pureed carrot. You’ve stood on the field after both winning and losing games.
But when we watch it a second time, through our children’s experience, it brings a different perspective.
And to me, that’s growth. Same landscape, different vantage point.
Maybe it’s not about the cosmic questions we don’t have the answers to. Maybe peace in uncertainty isn’t an idea, but a choice.
Maybe living is about being; right here and now, allowing gratitude to open our eyes to the beauties around us.
You are here, right now.
You are loved.
You are known.
You are whole in Christ.