I started a music production course that talked about dissecting music you hear over the radio. Driving down the road, windows down, listening to a banger, have you ever stopped to think that each one of the sounds you’re hearing within the song are each a layer (an instrument, vocal section, or sound) within the song?
Over time, my ears have become attuned to hearing each layer and sometimes, I will start counting: drummer 1, drummer 2, synth, bass, piano 1, piano 2, acoustic guitar strum, guitar picking, electric guitar solo, main vocal, doubled vocal, high harmony vocal, mid harmony vocal, low harmony vocal, octave vocal, etc. It’s not uncommon to have upwards of 40 tracks for a single song.
The problem though, is if your computer doesn’t have enough processing power, the DAW (the system you use for recording) can’t keep up with the music and the song won’t play.
When Your Mind Won’t Slow Down
Sometimes that’s how my brain feels. It’s like I’ve got 50 tracks in one project, the project being my life, but I don’t have the processing power to bring it all together in one beautiful song. All of the pieces are there but it just won’t play. How can I be in the present moment when my mind won’t slow down?
When I was pregnant with my fourth baby and my husband was in professional school, I went on a drive with the three littles. Sometimes carseats were a saving grace because the kids were stationary and I could think. It had been a stressful day, one of those that just felt like too much. What felt like a million thoughts and feelings sped through my mind in a steady stream.
At one point, I called my mom. I don’t remember where but I stopped the car, got out by myself, and in tears told her, “I don’t know what I was thinking. Why did I think I could do this?” This meaning, be a ‘good’ wife, ‘good’ mom, keep the details of our lives together? And all the while my creative pursuits felt dead because at the end of the day, there was nothing left to devote to that sense of self.
The Fear of Not Being Enough
As a parent, there’s so little room to be human because your littles have never considered any possibility other than that you’re super human. That’s humbling and terrifying, beautiful and awful. It speaks to the incredible way they see us and also highlights one of our deepest fears; that at some point they will know the truth, that we were never ‘good’ enough.
My mind won’t slow down when I’m rehashing the past or rehearsing the future. It doesn’t sleep when I’m consumed with fear of my own humanity. Wanting to be perfect isn’t enough, but what our children know that we don’t is that, we have always been enough. For this reason, they invite us into play, tell us they love us, give hugs. They know what our busy mind never can; that the present moment is the key to unlocking a calm mind.
I have self-doubt days, sometimes even seasons. And sometimes that means those tracks just keep layering and it’s likely at some point the system is going to say, ‘no!’ But there’s a beauty in this process too because it gives us a unique opportunity.
Strip It Back to What Matters
Tracy Chapman wrote and performed the song Fast Car. It was a hit and then was later made more broadly famous by Luke Combs when he did a cover of it. The song is incredible and the production was done well. But if you strip it back to just the guitar and vocals, that’s enough.
When we are asking how to be present when your mind won’t slow down, maybe what we really need to be asking is, what matters most to me in this season?
Choosing the Present Moment
Get rid of the extra drums. Throw out the bass. No one needs thirty vocal harmonies (unless you’re Billie Eilish. Then it’s pretty much mandatory).
I feel best when I honor the things that matter most to me, and oftentimes, that means taking a pause, putting down all the things, playing with my kids, dating my husband, or going to lunch with a friend.
It’s reconnecting with the parts of a song that I fell in love with to begin with.
How do you choose the present moment when your mind won’t slow down?